In the past year, I’ve lost most of my self confidence, been consciously depressed, including pissing off most of my friends who attempted to keep in contact with me, losing about 25 lbs, and finding out I’m anorexic. I spent the majority of my time trying to make someone love me the way I wanted, even though I realized a long time ago that that would never happen, and turned out to be a rather expensive endeavor, all for nothing. I kept turning to her out of complete and utter loneliness, only for her to turn a cold shoulder every time I needed her.

So what did I learn from all of this? There’s a reason some divorced women are divorced. A bit harsh, but in this case entirely true. I also learned that even though I think I unhealthily lost weight, I am happy with how my body looks now (I’ve since gained a few pounds back from my lowest weight), and I now eat very healthy in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle and nice looking body. Lastly, I learned that true friends really are forever and always outlast relationships. I owe a lot to my friends for not giving up on me. I love you all dearly.

When you hit the bottom, there is only one path left, and that’s up. I’m already on that path, rebuilding my life and making up for all the missed opportunities I’ve had in the past year. I’ve been reconnecting with friends that I’ve blown off, been going to salsa more (and to new places), and I hope to start going out more often (I need a social life in addition to salsa).

Other resolutions for this year are to move back to Munich (LA is not the place for me), find a partner (hopefully as close to opposite as the last as possible), take and share more photos, improve my German to business level (I’m not that far off actually), learn enough Japanese to converse with friends (hoping to finally get past the random words & phrases I currently know), get LASIK/LASEK (sick of wearing contacts & I want 20/40 vision), get rhinoplasty (to breathe better, not for looks), fix my teeth (whiten & refill some old cavities), imrpove my skin (which I think will happen naturally once I move away from the LA smog), and start traveling again. Re-reading those, it sounds like I’m a little vain, but they’re actually all to improve myself (except for my teeth, that’s purely cosmetic).

I showed up just after the class had finished, so no one was dancing yet. It’s always a little awkward to be the only one on the dance floor, because you know everyone is watching you. I did it anyway. I pulled off some new patterns I learned at home just before I went to the club as well as a couple other tricks I know. It seemed like everything was quiet, except for the music, when I was dancing and as soon as I finished, everyone resumed their conversations. I’m not sure if it really was like that or if I was just in the moment when I was dancing. Regardless, I had a great time dancing and I’m already looking forward to the next time (maybe tonight?).

I definitely need to work on my body movement, but the steps and turn patterns are starting to come together. Now I like bachata a lot, whereas before I didn’t like it because I couldn’t do it well at all.

Me in Palm Springs

This past weekend I went to Palm Springs for the Salsa Mambo Festival. Prior to going to Palm Springs, I wondered why people go there because it’s in the middle of the desert. Now that I’ve been there, I’m still wondering why people go there. It’s ridiculously hot (it was 105F during the day and 90F at night), it’s tiny (~45,000 people in town / ~415,000 in the metro area) with not much more than some shopping and a few restaurants (mostly chains and fast food), and it’s hot (I know I said that already, but it was *really* hot for me). That being said, I had a great weekend, heat and nothingness aside.

I had the good fortune of taking classes with quite a few pretty famous instructors/dancers, including Edie the Salsa FREAK, Jorge Elizondo (the Bachata King), Josie Neglia, & David Nieto (2008 Mayan World Salsa Competition Champion). I also got to see performances by many professional dancers, including Liz Lira and Cristian Oviedo, as well as some of the previously mentioned instructors. One of my favorite performances was the Victor & Gaby performance combining salsa and quebradita (the bouncy one to fast Mexican polka) and all of the Paso de Oro performances (some of those kids were absolutely amazing!).

Final thoughts on the weekend, I thought I was in pretty good shape, but after 3 days of workshops and some evening dancing, my body is pretty drained. A big part of it was the fact that I was forced to eat differently, both schedule and menu. I’ve already registered for the next festival in Palm Springs over New Year’s and am already planning how I can accommodate the workshop schedule and lack of food choice.

I just want to say that I absolutely love dancing with her! It is by far one of my most favorite things to do. We definitely have a special connection when we dance together (probably because she stole my heart a long time ago, THIEF!). Even when we were out Saturday night and it was really crowded on the dance floor, it was like no one else was there.

In the past, we’ve gotten compliments about how we dance together from complete strangers. The last time was more than a month ago when we were in the parking lot walking to our car. An older couple actually called out to us to tell us that we looked really good. Even if Reiko and I looked awful dancing together, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But I can’t deny that it makes me feel really good when other people notice and compliment on one of my favorite things to do with her.

I already know that being in a performance group kills the desire to want to dance. The same thing happened after the last performance, and not just to me, it was everyone in the group. I think it took almost 2 months before I even went out to dance. Although I have a feeling the same thing will happen after we finish this performance in August, I just hope we don’t take too long of a break from dancing together. We are planning on going to the Salsa Mambo Festival in Palm Springs at the end of the month, which should be a nice break from the monotony of our performance class.

I am really happy to have a new girlfriend as she’s really amazing. She has been key in helping me get through my recent tough times. I don’t know where I would be without her.

In late summer of last year I got back into salsa. I again made a switch in dancing styles, reverting back to on1, the style I originally learned when I first started dancing more than 3 years ago. I also trained hard for two months for a performance group I was in. We performed four times just before the holidays. There is video of the performances, however I have yet to receive the DVD containing the videos, so I’m unable to share with anyone who has interest. I burned out a little on salsa after my performance, only because I was dancing nearly every day, with the final stint equating to eleven straight days of practicing and performing. I have yet to fully get back into dancing regularly, but I know it’ll come.

Now that 2008 is here, I hope this year is a better year than last. So far the start of the year has been good with no complaints.